You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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