We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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