Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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