when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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