I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
