good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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