I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
