If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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