She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
