Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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