i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
