You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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