at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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