i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
