Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
