He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Im part way to drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
