When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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