Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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