He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize