Can Purell be used as lube?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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