Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
