i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
