Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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