why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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