i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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