She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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