is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize