im holly from the hills drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
