I look better un-naked...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
