I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
