we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
