Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
