Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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