so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
