she smelled like a LAN party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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