i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
