i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
