i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
