i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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