and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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