everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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