The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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