If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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