Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
