How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
