Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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