News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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