hotel room ftw
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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