my phone needs a breathalizer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
