Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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