I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
