Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
