What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
