So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
