I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
