Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
