It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so let's talk penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
