Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
