Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
