Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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