my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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