her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You can't special order awesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
