apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
