Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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