The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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