Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
