Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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