Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
