Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
