I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want a musical about memes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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