the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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