he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They took my balls.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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