I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
