I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
