When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
