My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
