Soap is not a condiment
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
